A Judges Critique

(Reading Between the Lines)

  The dog was well up to size              (it was enormous)

  The dog was well bodied                  (it was too damn fat)

  A well balanced dog                         (it had a leg on each corner)

  On the small side                              (it was the runt of the litter)

  It needs to mature                            (it was a scrawny pup)

  It moved with drive                          (the handler couldn't stop it)

  The dog could move better              (it was a cripple)

  Not showing at his best                   (so bloody minded he was uncontrollable) 

  It filled my eye                               (the only reasonable one in a class of rubbish)

  Could change places any time        (they where both rotten)

  A very even class                           (they where all rotten)

  The dog lacked expression             (it was plain ugly)

  The dog was lacking in coat           (it was bald)

  The dog was in good coat              (you couldn't see the dog for feathering)

  The dog had a gay tail                    (it carried it bolt upright instead of level)

  It was a spirited dog                       (it bit the judge)

  One I have placed before               (the handler is a very good friend of mine)

Exhibitors comments

(reading between the lines)

  A very fair judge                                        (he always places my dogs)

  I've been under this judge before            (not just in the show ring)

  I stand a good chance in this class         (the judge owes me a favour)

  I feel lucky today                       (I gave the judge a CC at the last show)

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way
Instructions on how to clean your toilet 

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.




4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog